Our stay in Paris
We got into Paris early in the morning. My beatles book, with everyone’s contact information was left on the train, so we agreed to return to the station the next day to see if the french train people found anything. After the station, we took the train to the notre dam area, a location we turned into our “home base” during all of our stays in paris. Ever since our last day in Barcelona, my (ben’s) right ball had been hurting. It had gotten much worse and I was kind of getting scared. When i told ari, he tried to comfort me by telling me an anectdote:
“yeah man, my old friend from ramah was playing volleyball and fell on his ball and he had to get immediate surgery or else he was gunna lose it. shit was called testicular torsion or something.”
After that story, i frantically began searching testicular torsion on the internet, fearing for my ball. i read that if in fact i had it, it was too late because i had waited more than 24 hours. I then called ari’s dad, starting the conversation “Hi Mr. Frankel, I’ve been experiencing severe pain in my right testicle.” Ari’s dad told me that it would be utterly irresponcible of him if i didnt go to the hospital. Next, we stopped in at several restaurants, asking if i could use their bathrooms so i could check for a symptom of less dangerous possibility - something of the appendecis. none of these french assholes would let me in, unless i was a “BAYERRRR,” so i finally ordered an ice tea, used the bathroom, and walked out before they charged me. I was finally convinced that even though it was my last day in europe, I would have to go to the hopstial. We went to a tourist booth right by the church of notre dam and asked for directions to the nearest hospital. “just about 15 feet behind us.” DAMN WHAT A COINCIDENCE. So we tried to find it, at first passing this big building called hotel de dieu (which transates to “god’s hotel.” Ari and I both thought, wow, what a pretentious moron for naming his hotel that. Turns out that was the hospital (which i guess is a bit morbid.) I was impressed by the french healthcare system. Ari and i approached the counter, and tried to tell them whati was experiencing. Much was being lost in translation, until ari grabbed his nuts, and made a twisting motion withh is arm. “AHHHHHHH” the french clerk sighed. and then he immediatly glared at me and said “explosion?!?!?” ari and i both laughed and shook our heads. We sat down in the waiting room, watching olympic handball and waterpolo. I thought what caused my problem was wearing my hugo boss briefs to bed. Therefore, ari and i spent much of our time discussing how much money we could sue hugo boss for if i infact did have to lose a ball. it couldve been a landmark case. Anway, they called me in, and moved me into this one room where a guy with one huge eye asked me to take of my clothes. During my stay at the hospital, i was asked really weird questions, such as “have you expereicned,uhhh, any, uhh wet penile emmisiosn??? or “did you have any loose discharge of the penis?” the answer was no, so they moved on. I would approximate that 6 people 4 male, 1 female, 1 butch, touched my balls that afternoon. It was by far the most “lucrative” day i had in europe in that sense. I had a sonogram, which basically felt like someone was licking my balls for 45 minutes. Then they moved me to another waiting room, then another. THroughotu the process, ari was a very good friend and waited in the waiting room, watching the olympics for about 4 - 5 hours. They kept telling me that surgery was a probability, until the end, when the chief of surgery came in, grabbed my ball, and went “I AM POSITIVE, IT IS AN INFEcTION. NO SURGERY IS REQUIRED I PROMISE.” You ahve no idea how happy i was. I didnt need surgery and i didnt have to spend then ight in the hospital. Ari brought me a schwarma and a coke which i ate quite happily. We left the hospital around 8 oclock, with xrays and a prescritipn and went to the pharmacy to pick up the pills. Next we went to the internet cafe to tell our friends to come hang out with us. Ari decided he would leave to pick up heavier clothing and drop off the xrays while i stayed at the cafe. One thing that i have learned is that it is never good to seperate from ari. I waited at the cafe for about an hour and a half and then just went back to the hotel. Ari apparently was at the internet cafe but we didnt see each other so i met him back at the hotel around midnight. a fitting way to spend our last night hha. The next morning we woke up at around 10, then went to the train station to find the book. it wasnt there. then we boarded our last parisian subway and got on a train going to the airport. there was major construction and confusion so we had to leave the train and get on another one. we were both quite worried we would miss our 2 oclock flight. we ended up making it right on time, ending our european adventure. Our flight was good but sad. when we touchdowned in new york i really felt quite upset. ari thanks you were a great travel partner. i couldve have wished for anyone better. thanks and PAYCE YOU ARE CANK
